People-pleasing
People pleasing isn't simply being kind. It's often the fear of what might happen if you stop.
Many people who struggle with people pleasing don't realise they're doing it.
It can feel like being the reliable one. The easy-going one. The person who never asks for much, always says yes, and puts everyone else's needs before their own.
You may find yourself agreeing with people when you don't really agree. Saying yes when you want to say no. Apologising for things that aren't your responsibility. Worrying that setting a boundary will disappoint someone or damage the relationship.
Other people's feelings can begin to feel like your responsibility.
Over time, it becomes difficult to know what you need because you've become so used to focusing on everyone else.
People pleasing often leaves people feeling exhausted, resentful, or disconnected from themselves. Yet the thought of doing anything differently can feel frightening.
You don't have to earn your place by looking after everyone else.
Many of us learn from an early age that being helpful, agreeable, or easy to manage keeps us safe.
Maybe conflict wasn't welcome in your family. Maybe you learned to keep the peace, look after other people's emotions, or put your own needs aside because it felt like the safest option.
Over time, those ways of coping can become so familiar that they no longer feel like choices. They simply become the way we relate to the world. The difficulty is that constantly putting yourself last often comes at a cost. It can lead to anxiety, burnout, resentment, low self-esteem, and relationships that feel one-sided or emotionally draining.
Therapy isn't about becoming selfish or caring less about other people.
It's about learning that your needs matter too.
Together, we'll explore where these patterns began, understand what they've helped you survive, and gradually build a way of relating to yourself and others that feels more balanced. Many people find that as they become more comfortable setting boundaries, their relationships become more genuine, not less.
Therapists who work with people-pleasing
Myra Kokke
Works with adults (18+)
James Sloane
Works with adults (18+)
Nichola Magner
Works with adults (18+)